


Sometimes Broken People Shatter

by Jimmfromit



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Blood, Depression, Letters, M/M, Mental Illness, TW: Blood, TW: Suicide, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:56:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2659481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimmfromit/pseuds/Jimmfromit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters from a severely depressed Kieren to Simon</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes Broken People Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Contains suicide, reference to past suicide, graphic descriptions of suicide, mental illness, etc. 
> 
> I hope that I've tagged everything and I don't trigger anyone. I know it is often really hard to avoid this stuff because people don't tag it, if you think I should warn anything else please say so in the comments.

Dear Simon,  
I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I am drowning in myself.  
The cycle is coming. The cycle that happened before and ended in all that horrible pain, it’s coming. I don’t know how to stop it. I can’t control it just like everything else. I am out of control.  
I feel like they are just pretending that it hurt them, that they are doing that because it is the proper thing to do, not because they actually cared. I did them a favour. They know deep down that they would have been better off. I know that they would have been better off.  
Help me, Simon.

Dear Simon,  
I was always broken. There was always something wrong with me, something that cracked across my being like across the windscreen of my father’s car, when the branch fell on it.  
But I shattered before. All the pieces splintered, only to be hastily put back together by a world that broke it in the first place. I can feel it shattering again, pulling apart, and pulling my mind with it.  
I don’t know how to stop it, I’ll never know how to stop it and it will just tear me apart again. There is nothing stopping me.  
Help me, Simon.

Dear Simon,  
I felt so angry. I was angry with them before and angry with myself after. I am so weak; I couldn’t even finish the job. I am so weak; I tried in the first place.  
All the mirrors are gone and the window is shut. I want to hide from myself and from the whole world and hide inside a place of my constructed self. But I still want light; I want to be happy but away from the eyes of the world. I never will be though; it’s not a possibility of any kind.  
Help me, Simon.

Dear Simon,  
This time will be clean and beautiful. There will be no blood next time. That was a mess. It covered my father and me and it trailed through the woods like we were trying to tell the demons to follow us. They did.  
They say that it’s not the answer, that it’s never the answer. They’re wrong; it’s the perfect solution. The end of everything, a neat little cut to the end of the string.  
When people say that somebody dies of suicide, they are lying. Nobody dies of suicide they only die of themselves.  
Help me, Simon.

Dear Simon,  
I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know how to do it anymore. I don’t know how to feel, or speak, or think. I can’t be like a normal person. I never was.  
It’s all broken now. It’s stopped shattering and now it’s broken. The shards are on the floor and are being stepped on by me. I’m my own worst enemy and I am about to destroy that enemy.  
That’s what you do isn’t it? That’s why the world is like it is, because people choose to destroy the enemy.  
I have already started; I started a long time ago. Very soon I will finish the job and end the enemy.  
I’m sorry, Simon.

Dear Simon,  
I can’t anymore.  
Goodbye, Simon.


End file.
